The Battle of the Bananas

Living in the tropics, I wage a never ending war against vegetation. My house is surrounded by plants and they grow at an absolutely astounding rate. I must constantly cut things back or I risk disappearing into what appears to be primordial jungle, with no evidence of human habitation.

One particular battle I am waging is against banana plants. I personally would never have planted bananas in the back yard anyway. They are not particularly attractive, they don't provide good shade, and they are always dropping fronds. But the owner planted them, so I am stuck with them. The problem is that bananas send up shoots. If you don't watch, one banana plant will soon turn into twenty, one hundred. Again, I foresee the entire house disappearing into a sea of fetid green vegetation.

So I have been waging The Battle of the Bananas. I constantly cut down new shoots, and they constantly spring back, like Medusa, with new shoots. They also grow very fast.

This shoot is only two days old. You can see the shoot I cut down before laying to the left.


This plant is only a week old. It is already 14 inches tall.


So I must remain ever vigilant in my lonely fight. And while the Battle of the Bananas, unlike the War of the Roses, will not devastate the nobility of a nation, nor weaken the feudal system and give impetus to towards a Renaissance, it is a crucial battle which must be fought. Must be fought, and must be won. It will be won, I pledge it, on my honor.